If you are in a high-conflict parenting situation, you have probably heard the advice that you should “document everything.” You were probably told to start a journal and to write down the date and time and your complaints regarding your co-parent following each interaction. If you are keeping a journal like this – it’s a high-conflict journal – and it is terrible advice.
You do not need to document each time your child’s other parent rolls their eyes at you at the exchange or shows up five minutes later than the agreed upon time. You do not need to “document everything.” You only need to document what is important such as who has the kids and when, what decisions were made and the outcomes of those decisions. If you have significant parenting concerns, you should definitely document them.
Document Parenting Time – Who Has the Kids and When
If you do not live in the same home as your child’s other parent, you should document how often your co-parent spends time with your child, when and for how long. The best way to document who has the kids and when is to use a calendar. On your calendar, you should write which dates the kids are with you and the periods of time they are with their other parent. Your marked up calendar can give a large amount of information about your parenting schedule and it can be used as part of your evidence in family court if your co-parent ever disagrees about how much parenting time each of you actually had.
Document Decision-Making Responsibilities
Unless a court order tells you otherwise, you are allowed to make day-to-day decisions for your child when your child is with you. These routine decisions are things like what’s for supper, what movies can be watched on the TV or how much screen time your kid can have and when. Your co-parent has the same privilege unless a court order states otherwise.
If your child comes home and tells you about routine subpar decisions that your co-parent made during their parenting time, you do not need to document your co-parent’s decisions unless your child was harmed. Your child was probably not harmed by eating too much junk food, staying up way late or watching something on TV that you do not like. Documenting these types of complaints can backfire because it can make you look like you are trying to control or micromanage what your co-parent does during their parent during their time.
The decisions that you should document for family court are the big decisions for your child like medical/dental care and registration into school or extracurricular activities. The bigger the decision, the more important it is that you talk about it with your co-parent about it in advance. If your co-parent often makes big decisions without speaking with you first or telling you, or if there is a fight, this is the type of information that you should be writing down for future reference. If you can establish a pattern, a family Judge may grant an order to fix it.
Document Significant Concerns
You must document the significant concerns that you have about your co-parent. If your co-parent parties, drinks or participates in drug use – this concern is significant because your child could be harmed. If your young child is left home alone for extended periods of time – this concern is significant because your child could be harmed. Significant concerns usually have significant consequences for your child if there is no immediate intervention.
If you want a Judge to grant a court order to help you address your parenting issues, you must be able to clearly explain to the Honourable Court what your concerns are and what evidence you have to back it up. It is probably safe to assume that your child’s other parent will deny everything. Your evidence should consist of your notes, text messages, pictures, receipts or whatever else you can provide to show that you are telling the truth. You should also document what steps you’ve taken to try and fix address the issues outside of court. If you are not sure how to do this, you should hire a lawyer or work with an experienced non-lawyer professional so that your parenting situation is outlined properly. The Edmonton Family Network can connect you with legal professionals who may be able to help you.
The Edmonton Family Network was designed to be used as a resource for anyone dealing with a difficult family situation. The Edmonton Family Network is familiar with the current limitations of the legal system and the barriers many people face trying to access and afford legal services. The Edmonton Family Network aims to educate and connect people with affordable resources and service providers that can help.
