Should children’s stuff travel between both homes?
The ownership, use and control over children’s possessions is often a hot topic between parents that live separate and apart from each other. Sometimes the children are not welcome to visit their other parent with anything more than the clothes on their back despite any requests from the child or the child’s other parent.
In parenting disputes regarding children’s possessions, at least one parent wants the children’s stuff that they purchased, or that was gifted to the children while in their care, to only be used and enjoyed by the children during their own parenting time. The parent often claims that if the items were to travel to the parent’s home, the items would likely remain there and never come back with the child. The parent usually wants the other parent to buy duplicate items for the child to use at their own home or during their own parenting time. This position is reasonable for routine items such as toothbrushes or other hygiene products, but it can be unreasonable to withhold items such as clothes, toys or other comfort items.
The Honourable Mr. Justice G.R. Fraser provides an example in the decision of Hankins v Konopka, 2020 ABQB 782 at paragraphs 10 and 11:
[10] Another issue that has arisen between the parents involves the exchange of items when the child goes from one parent to the other. [The mother] has the primary day-to-day care of the child. She receives child support from [the father]. Part of that child support should cover the daily needs of the child, such as clothing. There is no evidence that [the father] has no items for his son at his residence. However, he is seeking that [the mother] send clothing with the child at each exchange. She does not want to do this, as she says his clothing either is not returned, or returns dirty.
[11] It is in the best interests of the child that he feels comfortable in the home of both parents. He should not have to keep a mental list of what items belong at mom’s house, and what items belong at dad’s house. The items are his, and are for his use. He should be free, within reason, to transfer whatever items he wants back and forth between the houses. Both parents should facilitate this.
Parents should be able to identify that once an item is given to the child, the child should be able to decide how, when and where the child enjoys the item. Parents should be able to acknowledge that the child may forget or may decide to leave their stuff at the other parent’s home. Parents should also accept that the child has ownership of their stuff and should be free to make these decisions. If an item is accidentally left behind, the child will be able to use it the next time they see the other parent. If the child wants or needs an item sooner, both parents should be willing to work together to arrange to exchange the item sooner at a mutually agreeable time for the benefit of their child.
Children are powerless when it comes to the end of their mom and dad’s relationship. It is unfortunate that some parents further leave their child voiceless over the use and control of their own property. If you are in a similar situation, do your part to give your child a voice. Give your child the ability to make decisions on where and when they enjoy their belongings even if the other parent is being unreasonable.
The Edmonton Family Network was designed to be used as a resource to anyone dealing with a difficult family situation. The Edmonton Family Network is familiar with the current limitations of the legal system and the barriers many people face trying to access and afford legal services. The Edmonton Family Network aims to educate and connect people with affordable resources and service providers that can help.
